Posted in Anxiety, life, Poems

grave.

rest in peace

to what

we had

2 years strong

but in the end

you betrayed

the tiny thread

of trust —

you broke me

now,

I keep

digging up

the grave

of our love

to reminice

all that we

once had

-XOXO chana

Posted in Poems

guiding star

I still

check up on you

In hopes that

someday soon

you will

come back

home to me

I keep

wishing upon the stars

for you to return

I find my self

talking to the stars

because afterall

you are my guiding star

-XOXO chana

Posted in Dear Diary

dear s,

I told you once, not to mess with my mental health but yet you didn’t listen. You need to understand what the past few months have felt like. 

I’m done with your scheming – not only did you pretend you didn’t know me but you got my loved ones involved. You got all of them to convince me that there was nothing between us and it was in my head. Everyday I went to sleep with you on my mind and with my tears in my eyes listening to a playlist of sad songs. You were the sole reason for my tears and heart ache. Even when everyone in my life told me that I didn’t have a man – for some reason I still held on to a tiny bit of hope that you would walk back into my life after treating me like complete shit. 

I missed the days when you actually checked up on me and treated me well. I missed seeing your face and holding your hand. I missed having you hold me close. For some odd reason – I still made sure to check up on you even though you tossed me to the curb. Everyday I found myself searching you up on twitter and making sure you were okay. To keep you on my mind I rewatched the office knowing that it was your favourite show. I listened to songs that reminded me of you. I wrote to you in my bullet journal. I even wrote you a letter and placed it on Kanna’s desk in hopes that somehow it would reach you. I was losing my mind – everyone in my life was telling me we weren’t together. I even recalled us getting engaged and told my friends about that too. I missed our stolen glances, our meaningful conversations, our study dates, our simple errand runs. 

Everyday my mind played the memories of you that I had – from you visiting me in class, bombarding me on campus, visiting Altona road, you picking me up malvern mall, surprising me at chapters, our study dates, our first official date. 

I hated being on campus because it reminded me of you. Everyday I walked by the poster for your friends lost dog. You ruined my favourite songs. 

No one told me that you got in a car accident because they knew it would hurt me. I know my dad went with you to pick out the car. 

Everyday I was treated like damaged goods by my parents and siblings. I was living everyday on the verge of a breakdown. They didn’t let me go to school or work for majority of November. They took away my phone. I couldn’t go on my laptop. They treated me like a child. 

What hurt the most is that you lied and deceived me – knowing that I hated when you played with my mental health. The past few months you put me through hell and back. I’ve been feeling like utter shit.

-XOXO chana

Posted in Poems

closure

i hear noises 

that translate to your voice 

i see faces 

that shift into yours 

i am haunted by 

the memory of you 

how can I forget you 

if I haven’t

got closure 

-XOXO chana

Advertisements
Advertisements
Posted in Poems

senses

you say

nothings wrong

but i can sense

a shift

in energy

between my bones

-XOXO chana

Advertisements
Posted in Poems

strangers

i’ve become

a stranger

to my own body

i dont recognize

my self

no more

gone are the traces

of my old self

-XOXO chana

Advertisements
Posted in Poems

the key

6 months 

since I called it quits 

but I still find you on my mind 

every second of every day 

why? 

your love was

the key to mending my broken soul 

without you 

i feel lost 

i’m walking

down a dark road 

in the desert 

slowly dying 

starving —

craving

your attention 

but all I hear 

is radio silence 

-XOXO chana

Advertisements