Posted in Anxiety, jolly june, life, The Chronicles of Chana

the chronicles of chana – pt.1 : prologue

The Baleswarans. Close knit. Loving. Loyal. Privileged. Damaged. Minorities. Trustworthy. Selfless. We live in in Toronto – more specifically Scarborough. 


Chana was an ordinary girl. Loving family of 4 beautiful souls who she could depend on. Friends that she believed in. Living with flaws she had learned to love over time. Just a city girl trying to fit in to this world. Shy was her middle name. The type to sit in the corner of a crowded room, isolated from all the other beings in the room. She was a book nerd, loved to lose her self in a good book. Yet one vacation would change everything she’d ever known. Her life would be flipped upside down. 

I would to to hear your thoughts after reading this – leave them in the comments below

-XOXO chana

Posted in Uncategorized

My Birthday Fundraiser

Hello everyone, I just wanted to hop on here and say that for the month of june i am going to try and write a blog post everyday or at least 5 times a week. I am hoping to raise money for 2 organizations for my birthday. I want to raise money for 2 interrelated causes – mental illness and for those affected by the civil war in Sri Lanka (orphans).

The first one being for Mental illness- as you all know mental illness is one of the leading causes of illness in Canada but due the stigma around it many individuals do not seek help. I want to raise money and give it to Shoniker Clinic. In addition, within the Tamil community Mental Illness is seen as taboo and is barely spoken about. Family’s are afraid speaking up will ruin their reputation and how others will perceive them. Tamils hold reputation on a gold platter when in reality, not acknowledging mental illness as a illness affects not only the individual but also the family. How many more lives do we have to lose in the Tamil community before Tamils stand together and fight against the stigma? In 2019 alone, we lost 3 lives that I know of. This could have been prevented if we openly spoke about mental illness within the Tamil community. So let’s stand together and speak about mental illness. Those with mental illness are not defined by their diagnosis. We see things from a new POV – we are NOT crazy, defensive, sensitive, lazy, drama queens, annoying, violent. Mental illness manifest in different ways – you can be super productive or you can face chronic fatigue.

The second cause I want to donate to is to feed orphans due to Mullivaikal in SL on my birthday and to buy orphans materials (pencils, pens etc) and feed them. If you know any well known charitable organizations in Sri Lanka please let me know.

Thank you. To e-transfer or PayPal me send me a message. Anything helps, even if it’s just 1 dollar.

Thank you in advance

Donate Here

-XOXO chana

P.S I have already reached my initial goal but will still be raising money. So if you can donate! If you dont have the means to donate please share on your social media.

What are some organizations you think I should donate to – they must be reputable. ?

Posted in Uncategorized

the expense of protection

They tell me they lied for me 

To protect me – 

But at what expense was it at ?

2 years of nothing but lies 

2 years of waiting on him

2 years of crying my self to sleep

2 years of being treated like I’m crazy 

2 years of scheming

2 years of depression

2 years of suicidal thoughts – 

The only things keeping me from ending my life 

Was my girls specifically M,A,S,T, 

They were the ones by my side at my lowest 

They were the ones that motivated me to get better 

They were the ones who validated my feelings 

They were the ones who were there for me 

at my lowest and darkest nights

They were the ones I spilled my heart out to 

Because I couldn’t trust my family

So this ones for them. 

Thank you for sticking by my side.

Thank you for being there 

Thank you for making me realize my self worth 

Thank you for giving me the love I needed to heal 

Thank you for providing me words of affirmation

I love you guys to infinitely and beyond 

-XOXO chana

Posted in Anxiety, birthday, bullet journal, jolly june, life, Poems, Quarantine Files, uni, UofT

darkest days

even on my darkest

I still speak about you

with endearing terms

and spill my heart out

to anyone willing to listen

they say –

If he were the one

he would have ;

stayed

been present

consisten

they call you:

a wastebucket

a fuc boi

toxic

an ass

a cheat –

but I know

in my soul and with everyinch of my heart

the mistakes we were were pure and out of innocence

I need time to grow and bloosom

but I still have faith in

you & us

even when your actions and words tell me otherwise

I miss the old you – the real you

-XOXO chana

Posted in Quarantine Files

what i’ve learned in quarantine

  • you don’t need to be productive all the time
  • take care of your mental health
  • spend time with your family – because you don’t know the next time you would have this much free time
  • organize and try to plan out your day
  • catch up with college or work emails
  • take some time out of your week to go outside – whether that be for a walk or even just a simple round of badminton
  • create – whether that be writing, painting, doodling, photography

What Have You Learned This Quarantine Season?

– XOXO chana

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Posted in life, Poems

racing thoughts

all these sleepless nights

are catching up to me

meanwhile

you walk away

scout free?

how is it

that you

moved on so fast –

you took any

chance

you got

to race off

with a piece

of my heart.

my hopes and dreams

were all crushed

by you

-XOXO chana

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Posted in Poems

closure

i hear noises 

that translate to your voice 

i see faces 

that shift into yours 

i am haunted by 

the memory of you 

how can I forget you 

if I haven’t

got closure 

-XOXO chana

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Posted in Poems

knight.

you did

a number 

on my heart 

told me

you would 

be my knight 

in shining armour 

yet all

you were 

was a coward

dressed 

in a

shitty cape

-XOXO chana

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Posted in Poems

boi

i am done suffering alone

you’ve had

plenty of time

to make up

your stupid mind

yet

each night your probably with your bois

laughing

at the hurt

you caused

-XOXO chana

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