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My Birthday Fundraiser

Hello everyone, I just wanted to hop on here and say that for the month of june i am going to try and write a blog post everyday or at least 5 times a week. I am hoping to raise money for 2 organizations for my birthday. I want to raise money for 2 interrelated causes – mental illness and for those affected by the civil war in Sri Lanka (orphans).

The first one being for Mental illness- as you all know mental illness is one of the leading causes of illness in Canada but due the stigma around it many individuals do not seek help. I want to raise money and give it to Shoniker Clinic. In addition, within the Tamil community Mental Illness is seen as taboo and is barely spoken about. Family’s are afraid speaking up will ruin their reputation and how others will perceive them. Tamils hold reputation on a gold platter when in reality, not acknowledging mental illness as a illness affects not only the individual but also the family. How many more lives do we have to lose in the Tamil community before Tamils stand together and fight against the stigma? In 2019 alone, we lost 3 lives that I know of. This could have been prevented if we openly spoke about mental illness within the Tamil community. So let’s stand together and speak about mental illness. Those with mental illness are not defined by their diagnosis. We see things from a new POV – we are NOT crazy, defensive, sensitive, lazy, drama queens, annoying, violent. Mental illness manifest in different ways – you can be super productive or you can face chronic fatigue.

The second cause I want to donate to is to feed orphans due to Mullivaikal in SL on my birthday and to buy orphans materials (pencils, pens etc) and feed them. If you know any well known charitable organizations in Sri Lanka please let me know.

Thank you. To e-transfer or PayPal me send me a message. Anything helps, even if it’s just 1 dollar.

Thank you in advance

Donate Here

-XOXO chana

P.S I have already reached my initial goal but will still be raising money. So if you can donate! If you dont have the means to donate please share on your social media.

What are some organizations you think I should donate to – they must be reputable. ?

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the expense of protection

They tell me they lied for me 

To protect me – 

But at what expense was it at ?

2 years of nothing but lies 

2 years of waiting on him

2 years of crying my self to sleep

2 years of being treated like I’m crazy 

2 years of scheming

2 years of depression

2 years of suicidal thoughts – 

The only things keeping me from ending my life 

Was my girls specifically M,A,S,T, 

They were the ones by my side at my lowest 

They were the ones that motivated me to get better 

They were the ones who validated my feelings 

They were the ones who were there for me 

at my lowest and darkest nights

They were the ones I spilled my heart out to 

Because I couldn’t trust my family

So this ones for them. 

Thank you for sticking by my side.

Thank you for being there 

Thank you for making me realize my self worth 

Thank you for giving me the love I needed to heal 

Thank you for providing me words of affirmation

I love you guys to infinitely and beyond 

-XOXO chana

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loose connections

a loose connection

these past few months

i’ve been feeling lost

wandering these lonely streets

yet – I cant seem to

get you out

of my head

how can you sleep at night

knowing you’ve been

acting like a fool


I seem to

i miss your sister

more these days

i keep reminiscing to

those phone calls

with her in the background


N, i need you more than ever right now

tell me why your brother has been acting like this

tell me how hes been

tell me if he comes home intoxicated

-XOXO chana

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dear diary pt.2

Lately everything’s been going to shit. My relationships with my friends. My skin. My grades. My mental health just everything. Nothing seems to help me get through and mend this rough patch. Maybe that’s just how life will be without you. 

Yes I know. I shouldn’t be thinking about you. I shouldn’t be dwelling on all that we had. But that’s me I over analyze, over think and feel too much. You were once my source of happiness. My everything and now you are the cause of my pain and depression.

I never thought that I would experience pain as bad as when Waldo passed. But for some reason, the pain you caused is worse. 

They say love makes you blind. But for me you made me see reality clearer. You helped me – you healed my broken soul. You were the one thing I didn’t know I needed in my life. Once you entered everything changed. I was happier. I became more comfortable with who I was. I was the best version of my self. 

But without you now, it hurts so fucking much. I’m not me. I’m like a lost dog, wandering aimlessly trying to find my best friend. 

-XOXO chana

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how to keep busy when things don’t seem to be going right

We’ve all been through a time when nothing seems to be going your way. All you want to do is just stay in bed, sleep and binge watch Netflix! Although these things may help you – there are definitely other alternatives to ease your mind and soul! Here are a couple things I like to do when nothing seems to workout:

read

there’s nothing like a good book when your are in a slump and feeling down. a perfect way for you to escape your world for a little while

create art

create something! whether it be a painting, sketch, poem, video or even just simply writing down your thoughts

self care

the perfect remedy to the blues is to take care of yourself and body. go take a bath. put on a face mask and paint your nails!

what are somethings you like to do to not only keep busy but ease your soul ?

– XOXO chana

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the aftermath of my diagnosis

3 years – since being diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder. And it has been a roller coaster of emotions.

I remember my parents telling me to hide it from my friends. They had my best interest in mind – as they didnt want to me be treated differently. But I did it anyway.

May 2nd – the day I told my friends, who I thought would be by my side for the rest of my life. Yet even 6 months later with the death of my cousin- they did not say 1 word of comfort to me.

Who would have known that down the road, I would lose friends for having generalized anxiety disorder. With this diagnosis came, me realizing my true friends.

So I guess, this is me, saying thank you to those who have stuck by my side in times of hardship.

-XOXO chana

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thoughts

like clockwork 

you disappear a month at a time 

just when I need you most

treating me like I’m delusional

scheming with my family and friends

treating me like I’m just some random girl

putting me through several panic attacks 

here I am

living everyday on the verge of a breakdown

-XOXO chana

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you

here I am

thinking of you

and all that we had

yet no one seems to believe it

i’m stuck replaying memories of you

in the black hole that is is my mind

i close my eyes and all I see is you

-XOXO chana

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things to do to make your day better

  • read a book
  • meditate
  • take a break from technology
  • go for a walk
  • drink a big ol’ cup of tea
  • hug someone you love
  • practise gratitude

-xoxo chana

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crashing

they say its all in her head

though her mind is

the deep blue sea

with waves crashing

against the shore

repeatedly

theres no escaping

this madness

-xoxo chana

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