Posted in Anxiety, jolly june, Poems, Quarantine Files

he said she said

they tell her to move on

they say he’s 

a cheater 

but they don’t know him

like she does 

___________________________

She misses 

those stolen glances 

his eyes 

his smile 

his hugs 

those study dates 

___________________________

he once used to call her

with endearing terms 

now he calls her 

crazy 

mental 

psycho

delusional 

-XOXO chana

Posted in jolly june, Poems

ajax.

they say

home is where your heart is 

but you stole my heart 

I fell in love

with a Ajax wasteman

now all these familiar places

are shifting to unfamiliar

I feel lost

wandering these lonely streets

without you

-XOXO chana

Posted in Anxiety, jolly june, life, Poems, Quarantine Files

apologies

when I was losing my mind 

going stir crazy 

stuck in the house 

you told me you would be there for me 

if I needed anything 

you would help 

yet 6 months down the line

history was repeating its self 

and you,

stood there and lied to my face 

told me you didn’t know who I was talking about 

said I should move on —-

I am not stupid 

I caught on very quick 

I noticed the small things 

I many have anxiety and depression 

But my memory is sharp 

I write everything down

to show y’all once all the lies end 

even when I call you out on the lies

you switch the conversation

you smirk

you smile 

you laugh 

y’all are playing with my life

as if I am a puppet 

I am still waiting on a 

sincere apology 

-XOXO chana

Posted in Anxiety, birthday, bullet journal, Dear Diary, jolly june, life, Poems, Quarantine Files, uni, UofT

eelam

the history of my people

runs in my veins

the stories of inhumane acts

run like a film roll in my head

the legacy of my family & tamils

keeps me going

everything I do is to honour

my blood

the history of tamils

sometimes keeps me up at night

2009 ,

haunts me

my appama and ammama missing in times of crisis

my uncle bombed to death

my aunt left widowed

how do they sleep at night

knowing they took the lives of

hundreds of thousand innocent lives

the war left

thousands of my people

displaced

killed

missing

murdered

sexually assaulted

kidnapped

dead

bombed

raped

how did they get away

with the numerous

war crimes

-XOXO chana

Posted in Anxiety, birthday, bullet journal, jolly june, life, Poems, Quarantine Files, uni, UofT

darkest days

even on my darkest

I still speak about you

with endearing terms

and spill my heart out

to anyone willing to listen

they say –

If he were the one

he would have ;

stayed

been present

consisten

they call you:

a wastebucket

a fuc boi

toxic

an ass

a cheat –

but I know

in my soul and with everyinch of my heart

the mistakes we were were pure and out of innocence

I need time to grow and bloosom

but I still have faith in

you & us

even when your actions and words tell me otherwise

I miss the old you – the real you

-XOXO chana

Posted in life, Poems

racing thoughts

all these sleepless nights

are catching up to me

meanwhile

you walk away

scout free?

how is it

that you

moved on so fast –

you took any

chance

you got

to race off

with a piece

of my heart.

my hopes and dreams

were all crushed

by you

-XOXO chana

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Posted in Poems

future

i still hope 

that you 

will walk 

through the door 

because boi 

i cant 

lose another soul

you are the 

missing piece 

i’ve been searching for

so darling please 

dont let my anxieties 

push you away 

your the only one  

i want 

– my only chance 

of a 

bright future 

is you

 -XOXO chana

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Posted in Poems

closure

i hear noises 

that translate to your voice 

i see faces 

that shift into yours 

i am haunted by 

the memory of you 

how can I forget you 

if I haven’t

got closure 

-XOXO chana

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Posted in Poems

knight.

you did

a number 

on my heart 

told me

you would 

be my knight 

in shining armour 

yet all

you were 

was a coward

dressed 

in a

shitty cape

-XOXO chana

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