Posted in Anxiety, Dear Diary, jolly june, life, Quarantine Files

you said

you said

you would be there for me

you said

you wouldnt hurt me

you said

you would protect me at all costs

you said

that you would be consistent

you said that

you were in it for the long haul

yet —-

you aren’t here

right when I need you most

____________________________

was I wrong to trust you ?

was I just another piece on your chess board ?

was it all just a game for you ?

was it my anxiety that pushed you away ?

was my actions the cause of this ?

-XOXO chana

Posted in birthday, jolly june, life

my identity

Last month, on May 28th, Tamils around the world remembered all the lives lost during the 3 decade long civil war. It is our remembrance day, during the final stretch of the war, hundreds of thousands of Tamil individuals were brutally killed. On this day, several school boards in Ontario, government officials and prominent individuals commemorated the genocide. However, Peel School Board District, retracted this tweet and apologized to the oppressor based on a few complaints from some uneducated individuals in the GTA. Tamils across the GTA have been trying to email the district school boards to tell them now much acknowledging this day means to us. In order to stand together and fight this worthy cause, Tamils have been posting on social media with the caption ” I am தமிழ்/ Tamil and genocide is a part of my identity”.

Here is my post to this movement:

In May of 2018, my family and I took a trip to the so called paradise island that travel blogs promote – Sri Lanka – for a month long stay. We rotated our stay between 2 towns: PointPedro and Mallavi. One place my Appa and Aththai really wanted to visit was the Church in Mullivaikal. My Aththai is a strong and resilient women who became a widow in 2009 due the civil war. This spot is where my Appama and Ammama were last seen. This spot is where my uncle was bombed to death. This is the spot that brings chills and goosebumps to my family. This is the spot that brings tears to my Appa’s, Athai’s, Akka’s, Thambi’s and family’s eyes. Speaking about our history as Tamils is so important. We need to educate those who left us to fend for our selves during the war. To educate the countries that did not stand behind us in 2009. To educate people of all races and nationalities. To stand in solidarity for the hundreds of thousands of individuals raped, sexually assaulted, kidnapped, murdered, killed and disappeared during the decades long civil war

RIP Mahalingam Mama, Rasama Kanapathipillai, Ammama

I am Thamil and genocide is part of my identity.

-XOXO chana

Posted in Anxiety, birthday, bullet journal, Dear Diary, jolly june, life, Poems, Quarantine Files, uni, UofT

eelam

the history of my people

runs in my veins

the stories of inhumane acts

run like a film roll in my head

the legacy of my family & tamils

keeps me going

everything I do is to honour

my blood

the history of tamils

sometimes keeps me up at night

2009 ,

haunts me

my appama and ammama missing in times of crisis

my uncle bombed to death

my aunt left widowed

how do they sleep at night

knowing they took the lives of

hundreds of thousand innocent lives

the war left

thousands of my people

displaced

killed

missing

murdered

sexually assaulted

kidnapped

dead

bombed

raped

how did they get away

with the numerous

war crimes

-XOXO chana

Posted in Anxiety, birthday, bullet journal, jolly june, life, Poems, Quarantine Files, uni, UofT

darkest days

even on my darkest

I still speak about you

with endearing terms

and spill my heart out

to anyone willing to listen

they say –

If he were the one

he would have ;

stayed

been present

consisten

they call you:

a wastebucket

a fuc boi

toxic

an ass

a cheat –

but I know

in my soul and with everyinch of my heart

the mistakes we were were pure and out of innocence

I need time to grow and bloosom

but I still have faith in

you & us

even when your actions and words tell me otherwise

I miss the old you – the real you

-XOXO chana

Posted in Anxiety, birthday, jolly june, life, Quarantine Files

Birth Month – Jolly June

Soo, to celebrate my birthday, I will be attempting to post every day in the month of june. I have already planned everything out and it will encompass a variety of posts – lifestyle, university, advice, question tags, behind the scenes – the series, digital portraits, taking the plunge into becoming a non profit organization and more.

I hope you enjoy this ! Hopefully I dont forget about this 🙂

– XOXO chana